Death by Salad Bar

Normally, I'm a pretty agreeable fellow. I'm pretty laid back and it takes quite a lot to get me angry. That is, unless you're stupid. But other than that, I really don't get mad often.

Today, however, proved to be an exception to the rule.

There are a few foods in this world that, no matter how full you are, you always have room for: licorice, ice cream and jello. (Nick might have a slightly longer list that may even include anything left on anyone else's plate within a three-table radius). But for me, it's really only those three. These items, not coincidentally, are often served as desserts. That being said, after feasting at the all-you-can-eat cafeteria here at school, I wanted some dessert. I was decently full ("That buffet is pretty robust") but still wanted something to top off the meal.

I hate black licorice, and I don't eat ice cream often, so my natural inclination points me in the direction of jello. I love everything about jello. I love jello jigglers. I love jello/fruit salads. I love jello molds. I love jello shots. I love their catchy commercials, and I sure as hell love Bill Cosby. Jello, to me, has no down side...or so I thought.

I got up to the salad bar and went right for the jello. Today was a great day. Red Jello! Actually, it was a great day until I witnessed the massacre that happened in the jello container. It was a mess. There was not one item offered at the salad bar that wasn't in the jello bowl. It was a melting pot of crap. Yellow hard-boiled egg yolks, purple egg chunks (beets maybe?), broccoli branches, lettuce pieces, crunchy stick things, croutons and black olives all equally infected this otherwise pristine container of red jello. It was a meeting of the salad bar item minds, with horrific results.

I didn't dare touch it. The pure and direct disrespect of all the other salad-bar goers remains one of the most heinous things I have ever seen. I don't ask for much, but I do ask that you RESPECT THE JELLO. Because, as the saying goes..."J-E-L-L-O, it's alive"...that is, until you kill it.